How I became the Mascot of a Colombian 8th Grade Field trip
We took a “chiva” (city tour) with a bus full of 8th graders. Truth be told we were kicked off of our first chiva tour after the tour guide freaked when she discovered we were not native speakers (ahem, un poco discrimination against the anglospeakers, perhaps?). We were then instructed to catch an English speaking chiva. We were like “great, now we’re going to be on a bus full of Americanos,” (we totally have an aversion to hanging with our paisanos abroad). However, rather than hopping on the gringo bus, we were told to get on a bus full of Colombian tweens.
At some point I became the chiva mascot. I blame our chiva tour guide, Incarnacion, who was intent on giving the tour only in Spanish and also H. I tried to pay attention while H “phoned it in,” so he focused on me. One time he asked me if I understood, I was like “si, mas o menos,” but I had zoned out, which of course was when he announced “Ok, I give you a test.” QUE? I’m on vacation and I was told there would be no math. And P.S. who gives a pop quiz on a tour? The ninos got a huge kick out of this and started talking to me and evidently about me. At some point H encouraged them to call me a gringa, a term which I was NOT happy about and H and I would hear them start dropping the gringa bomb while looking and smiling at me. So then Senor Show-Off Incarnacion had to give us a political lesson of the derivation of the term “gringo.” Great, just what I want a lesson on “green go home.” Anyway, anytime I tried to wander off, the kids would grab me and point to what I was supposed to be paying attention to, but I had lost interest in (chalk it up to American A.D.D.). At times I felt like the special ed kid who gets all the extra attention.
Despite the ethnic slur by my fellow Yankee (thanks H), one girl in particular, Erica, adopted me. She plied me with cookies and asked me all types of questions. At one point I thought she was channeling my parents when she started peppering me with questions like, “are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? Why not?” All excelente questions Erica! When the chiva was over she hugged me and asked for my email. She’s already written me. Adorable! She’s my Colombian hermanita!
Incidentally, H and I decided to say peace out to the chiva when some Spaniards bought our chiva driver, Carlos, and Incarnaction cervezas while the tour was still going on. Um, is there no such thing as tort liability in Colombia? We left and headed straight to the Cafe del Mar for some cocktails of AWESOMENESS!
