Where to Hang Our Hat Disney Style

Our Zambezi Sun Greeters.

Initially, I was going to travel to Victoria Falls by myself, but luckily I met up with 5 old and new friends and my “romantic” honeymoon morphed into a Spring Break of sorts.  We had debated on which side of the falls to stay on-Zimbabwe or Zambia.  It’s possible to be closer to the falls on the Zambian side, but Zimbabwe has a better view of the falls and is a tourist’s bargain, but most people, ourselves included, opted to stay in Zambia because of the whole Mugabe/political instability.  We stayed at the Zambezi Sun, which is the closest hotel to the falls and is situated inside the Vic Falls park.  We joked that we were staying at the Disney World of Zambia because as soon as we entered the compound, we were greeted by two giraffes.  It was as if someone backstage was like “ok the Americans are here, cue the giraffes.”  I was going loca for them because I most wanted to see giraffes and zebras.  After we snapped some pictures we continued onto the reception area where we were welcomed by tribal dancers, thereby solidifying our belief that we were at Disney World.

Monkey Business

Hunts or Heinz 57?

After checking in, we enjoyed cocktails by the hotel’s pool and watched vervet monkey’s (think Marcel the monkey from Friend’s) act like criminals on the loose after a prison break.  They would jump up on tables and steal food (this would be a common theme at all meals).  These “cheeky monkeys” were brazen little sugar junkies.  The waiters had to keep sugar packets in drawers because otherwise the monkeys would swoop down and grab a handful of sugar and eat them.  Explains why they were so hyper…we had monkeys hopped up on sugar roaming the grounds.  Como se dice early onset of monkey diabetes?  If they weren’t stealing sucre, they were licking salad dressing and ketchup from bowls (one guy grabbed a bowl full of ketchup, licked it bone dry and then tossed it on the floor like a petulant child thereby breaking the bowl! They were such a problem that they had guards armed with slingshots to swat the monkeys away.

Crack-a-lakin Cool

My ultimate favorite animal sighting on the property were the Zebras that occasionally roamed the hotel grounds.  I thought they would be there 24/7, after interrogating nearly every staff member about the Zebras, we later found out that they only show up at breakfast time (again begging the question if someone is letting the Zebras out of the barn on cue).  One morning when I was getting dressed a friend knocked on our door to let us know the Zebras had arrived.  I practically ran out of our hotel half naked to catch a glimpse of these guys. My roommate opened our balcony curtains and they were RIGHT outside our door.  When I went outside, I was like 2 feet away from them.  It was awesome!  They’re just so cool…they’re light the cool leather jacket wearing kids in the 50s..kinda like Fonzie…they look vaguely bored all the time and have that “I know I’m’ a bad ass you don’t have to tell me, I will allow you to worship me” look.

It's gonna be a long flight kids!

So far so good on the solo honeymoon.  I spent 24 hours traveling to end up in Johburg for an overnight stay before heading to Victoria Falls later this morning.  I’ve been refraining from telling fellow travelers that I’m on my “honeymoon,” when asked the purpose of my trip. 

Despite the fact that there was a “hot guy convention” at the back of the plane (evidently Colombia Business School has a group trip here…note to self get hooked into Colombia bschool when I get back), I was stuck in the “native section” of the plane, which provided to be interesting entertainment, if not interesting aromatically.   I was immediately intrigued at JFK as I watched all the Africans arrived dressed in suits, dashikis or fun dresses with matching hats (in my head, I called these ladies “fruit ladies” because they looked like ladies who carried fruit on their heads).  We Americans were a pathetic representation of fashion, myself included, in our jeans, shorts, and tees.  Again furthering my point white people are boring and dashikis and fruit lady dresses, like saris, are great for “fat days.”   And P.S. the first time I was in West Africa, I noticed how formally Africans dress, but you can’t pay me to spend 18 hours on a plane in a suit, well maybe if I were flying in first class rather than in the steerage section of the plane.

At this point I have a large Senagalese man spooning me.

In the first 24 hours of my honeymoon I managed to snuggle with two men.  From NY to Dakar I sat next to a Senegalese man who was returning home for the first time in 9 years (imagine not seeing any family member for 9 years).  Anyway, he kept trying to bogart my leg space which is when the inadvertent snuggling happened.  From Dakar to Joburg, I was seated next to a guy from Mauritania who pretty much crept up on me while I slept and practically spooned me.  I can honestly say there’s no other feeling in this world like falling asleep sober and waking up to have a large African stranger sprawled all over you.  It was very awkward extracting myself from that situation.  Why oh why couldn’t I have sat next to “hot safari guy” (a dude I saw in JFK who was decked out in safari gear).

So some initial observations/questions:

1) Why is it I always get stuck next to the annoying American in immigration?  My nerves were already frayed after an 18 hour plane ride, I really didn’t need some fat midwestern woman pushing me in line loudly announcing to her traveling companions that “THEY DRIVE ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD.”  Really?  Say it a little louder Linda, I don’t think they heard you in Boise.  Then her husband told others who weren’t sure what to do going through immigrations to “tell the agents you’re here on holiday…that’s what people say here…holiday.”  Embarrassing!  There should be a test you have to pass to get a passport.  If you don’t know how to get through immigration, you shouldn’t be allowed out of the country.

2) Wolrd Wide Wrestling really is world wide-it’s on tv here so happy to report that it’s not just confined to trailer park U.S.A.

3) We really need to get on the metric system program.  I can guestimate the math for kilos and Celsius, but I’m anal and the fact that I don’t know the exact conversion annoys me.

4) On the way to the hotel I saw a restaurant called “Simba” with a giant lion on it.  I laughed.

5) I also passed by a company called Sky Net and tried not to freak out after watching too many Sarah Connor Chronicles shows.

6) Netflix has killed my social life and plane movie watching enjoyment.  Of the 30 or so movies I had to choose from on the plane, I’d seen all but Night of the Museum, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The Simpsons movie (couldn’t even finish it-it was so bad), and Lakeview (same).  However, after watching the traveling pants, I now want to move home to my native Greece and wear bedazzled hippie jeans.

Here’s to hoping that there’s no political instability (well any more than usual) when I’m in Zimbabwe riding an elephant tomorrow.  The PM’s wife was killed in a car crash and was watching some of CNN international last night (that is before the channel went out) and it was suggested that it might not have been an accident!  When will I just be happy to travel to places like Paris and call it a day?