Tonight I went to see God of Carnage, which is a play staring James Gandolfini (Michael), Marcia Gay Harden (Veronica and Michael’s wife), Hope Davis (Annette), and Jeff Daniels (Alan, husband to Annette). It has gotten rave reviews, including 6 Tony nominations (everyone in the cast was nominated).

The play was outrageously funny, but it took awhile for me to warm up to it. I think I was more distracted by the two guys behind me laughing at every frackin line the first 15 minutes and they weren’t that funny to justify that kind of laughter. It’s a short 90 minute play, sans intermission, and it’s about two sets of New York parents trying to sort out a playground brawl between their two sons (basically one son got a serious beat down). The play A.D.D.ed at times to other subjects which ultimately made it more interesting and hysterical. At times I was doubled over in laughter-the kind where you just can’t speak and are silently laughing because it’s so funny. So, my advice is catch it if you can.

I knew going into it, I was going to celebrity whore it out and wait for them all to come out, take pics and get autographs (got all 4 btw, but for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you which is JD’s or which is JG’s). For those who have never done it or who aren’t from New York basically you wait behind police barricades until they come out of the theater, sign some playbills, and are escorted by security into their SUVs.

FAVORITE post-stage interaction was with JG. I didn’t ask JG the question I was dying to ask, which I’m sure he’s been asked 1,000 times. I don’t think I need to tell you what it was, but for those slow on the uptake, I was DYING to ask him what he thought happened to Tony. Did he or did he not get whacked? Instead I asked him what was in the “Rum” they were drinking on stage. At first he said “nuthin,” and then smiled this killer Tony Soprano smile and then said “ice tea,” which is what I suspected. I can totally see how Tony got the ladies. He falls into my “sexy ugly category.” He’s super charming in person and out of all of the stars, he’s arguably the biggest and he was by FAR the coolest! He posed for pics with people (of course I didn’t ask for one-totally should have). He even hugged and kissed an old lady and was like “hey ma, hope you have a good night.” Then some old lady stood on her tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek. Now if I see Carmela one day, my sighting of the Soprano nuclear family will be complete as I was once at a private birthday party of someone I didn’t know who knew Meadow and A.J. and they were there. Meadow is rail thin and A.J. is on the pequeno side.

JG has lost a lot of weight (still a big guy, but he’s took off some serious poundage). But here’s one thing I noticed, the man has no back fat. I won’t say which actress had it because I’m not willing to throw either one of them under the bus as they’re both thin and sweet, but I could tell one had back fat. It’s not fair, not only do men not have to give birth, but they also don’t get back fat! Death to back fat, I say! You can save Venice, save the whales and save the children all you want, but my goal is to eradicate back fat for women of the world! FU, back fat, FU straight to the bowels of hell!

Moving on to Marcia Gay Harden. She’s is fifty and FABULOUS! I want to look that sexy at 50, hell I want to look that sexy NOW! I’ve been in love with her since she started playing this messed up, but powerful lawyer who plays in the big boy’s league on Damages (highly recommend that show). Anyway, she was the one person not to use an SUV, which I thought was cool because although she lives in New York since Damages is filmed here, the woman still had the option, but instead she wandered off into the New York night.

Fifty and Fabulous!

Hope Davis was also sweet and I had a bit of a conversation with her.

Hope Davis is a sweetheart!

In fact the only person I didn’t have a conversation with was Jeff Daniels, who barely spoke to anyone and could not have looked anymore pissed off to see people. Sadly, the only good pic I got of JG was when he came out the same time as JD. So, JD plays this self important uncaring lawyer who is glued to his cell phone. Ironically, he was my favorite character of the lot, but perhaps that’s because that’s the industry I have lived in for the past 8 years and have seen a lot of “Alans” in my day. However, I must say he was my least favorite off stage. It’s like dude, get out of character and suck up 10 minutes of signing playbills and if you’re still “in character,” then think of it as doing the work that lawyers due, which is push paper. Anyway, I’m posting a picture of him that shows his general demeanor during the signing.

JD's general happy demeanor during the signing.

But go see God of Carnage, if you can! Tell Tony M. Madison sent ya. Bada-Bing!

Our fair city has been known as the Concrete Jungle, the Asphalt Jungle, and even the Lipstick Jungle. I still to this day do not understand why those yahoos at NBC canceled Lipstick Jungle, way to go geniuses, way to go. Cashmere Mafia was one thing, but Lipstick Jungle, you blew it dudes. Anyway, it’s not a stretch to say that the City can seem like a zoo. After all, who can begin to count the amount of crazy monkeys we’ve sat next to on the train, the irate apes we’ve dealt with at the office, or the grouchy grizzly bears that we can all be sans our morning cup, or two, of overpriced Starbucks cafe (sidebar, at $5 a pop, do you think they secretly slip a roofie of liquid crack in the Colombian blend? I’ve often wondered). Apart from movies and T.V. shows, even stores promote the image of New York being a city full of predators. A recent trip to the Alexis Bittar store, a jewelry store located in Soho, displayed a full grown adult male stuffed lion (pictured here, unfortunately not pictured are his majesty’s giant stuffed cojones that are still intact), which made me think that we New Yorkers are a competitive lot vying for precious resources, be it space, a rent stabilized apartment, a table at the newest hot spot, admission behind the velvet ropes, single straight emotionally available men (assuming they exist and aren’t some mythical urban legend), or the perfect pair of our favorite designer shoes or jeans at a sample sale in our size. Bottom line, it’s a jungle out there!

Even in its quieter moments, the City can at the very least seem like we’re all cooped up on an animal farm. Who hasn’t felt like cattle being herded into the corral while getting on and off the subway during rush hour? I particularly feel that way when I randomly find myself Uptown and walking off of the 86th Street station on the Lexington Avenue line, sometimes I feel like all that is missing is a lasso and a branding iron. Although I’m a fan of cowboys, I’m not the biggest fan of tattoos so I’m rather thankful that no cowboys are on the loose armed with branding irons. Although the Naked Cowboy in Times Square is a whole other story!

With friends in town from L.A. who had brought their 4 year old daughter, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to suggest a trip to the Bronx Zoo. At first, I was afraid that they would want to spend a larger part of the day there than I did, but I’ll be the first one to admit that I was like, “um, do you mind if we could also squeeze in seeing the tigers and the gorillas?” They almost had to restrain me from walking out with a stuffed animal at the gift shop. I’m surprised that I was so into it, having just gotten back from Africa and all, but the Bronx Zoo rocks! I’m ready to go back. Any takers?

For a smattering of what’s available at the Bronx Zoo, I’ve included my first youtube video. If you hold out and watch all the way through, you’ll see actual film footage at the end rather than still footage. It’s not Tribeca Film Festival worthy and I’m sure I won’t be winning any awards for cinematography anytime soon, but I hope you enjoy it and come with me on my next trip to the Bronx Zoo (it’s sure cheaper than a ticket to Africa).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uiiMbx_0oc