Tonight I went to see God of Carnage, which is a play staring James Gandolfini (Michael), Marcia Gay Harden (Veronica and Michael’s wife), Hope Davis (Annette), and Jeff Daniels (Alan, husband to Annette). It has gotten rave reviews, including 6 Tony nominations (everyone in the cast was nominated).

The play was outrageously funny, but it took awhile for me to warm up to it. I think I was more distracted by the two guys behind me laughing at every frackin line the first 15 minutes and they weren’t that funny to justify that kind of laughter. It’s a short 90 minute play, sans intermission, and it’s about two sets of New York parents trying to sort out a playground brawl between their two sons (basically one son got a serious beat down). The play A.D.D.ed at times to other subjects which ultimately made it more interesting and hysterical. At times I was doubled over in laughter-the kind where you just can’t speak and are silently laughing because it’s so funny. So, my advice is catch it if you can.

I knew going into it, I was going to celebrity whore it out and wait for them all to come out, take pics and get autographs (got all 4 btw, but for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you which is JD’s or which is JG’s). For those who have never done it or who aren’t from New York basically you wait behind police barricades until they come out of the theater, sign some playbills, and are escorted by security into their SUVs.

FAVORITE post-stage interaction was with JG. I didn’t ask JG the question I was dying to ask, which I’m sure he’s been asked 1,000 times. I don’t think I need to tell you what it was, but for those slow on the uptake, I was DYING to ask him what he thought happened to Tony. Did he or did he not get whacked? Instead I asked him what was in the “Rum” they were drinking on stage. At first he said “nuthin,” and then smiled this killer Tony Soprano smile and then said “ice tea,” which is what I suspected. I can totally see how Tony got the ladies. He falls into my “sexy ugly category.” He’s super charming in person and out of all of the stars, he’s arguably the biggest and he was by FAR the coolest! He posed for pics with people (of course I didn’t ask for one-totally should have). He even hugged and kissed an old lady and was like “hey ma, hope you have a good night.” Then some old lady stood on her tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek. Now if I see Carmela one day, my sighting of the Soprano nuclear family will be complete as I was once at a private birthday party of someone I didn’t know who knew Meadow and A.J. and they were there. Meadow is rail thin and A.J. is on the pequeno side.

JG has lost a lot of weight (still a big guy, but he’s took off some serious poundage). But here’s one thing I noticed, the man has no back fat. I won’t say which actress had it because I’m not willing to throw either one of them under the bus as they’re both thin and sweet, but I could tell one had back fat. It’s not fair, not only do men not have to give birth, but they also don’t get back fat! Death to back fat, I say! You can save Venice, save the whales and save the children all you want, but my goal is to eradicate back fat for women of the world! FU, back fat, FU straight to the bowels of hell!

Moving on to Marcia Gay Harden. She’s is fifty and FABULOUS! I want to look that sexy at 50, hell I want to look that sexy NOW! I’ve been in love with her since she started playing this messed up, but powerful lawyer who plays in the big boy’s league on Damages (highly recommend that show). Anyway, she was the one person not to use an SUV, which I thought was cool because although she lives in New York since Damages is filmed here, the woman still had the option, but instead she wandered off into the New York night.

Fifty and Fabulous!

Hope Davis was also sweet and I had a bit of a conversation with her.

Hope Davis is a sweetheart!

In fact the only person I didn’t have a conversation with was Jeff Daniels, who barely spoke to anyone and could not have looked anymore pissed off to see people. Sadly, the only good pic I got of JG was when he came out the same time as JD. So, JD plays this self important uncaring lawyer who is glued to his cell phone. Ironically, he was my favorite character of the lot, but perhaps that’s because that’s the industry I have lived in for the past 8 years and have seen a lot of “Alans” in my day. However, I must say he was my least favorite off stage. It’s like dude, get out of character and suck up 10 minutes of signing playbills and if you’re still “in character,” then think of it as doing the work that lawyers due, which is push paper. Anyway, I’m posting a picture of him that shows his general demeanor during the signing.

JD's general happy demeanor during the signing.

But go see God of Carnage, if you can! Tell Tony M. Madison sent ya. Bada-Bing!